In this proposal the intended audience for Project IV is:
People of all ages, genders, and races. People who like to visit parks and are interested in bettering the community.
Why should your audience care about the topic and your proposal?
Because it is an important part of Louisville’s history. Cherokee park is the most visited park in Louisville.
One thing I think I did well in my proposal is:
Integrating quotes from the interview.
One thing I am not so sure about in my proposal is:
Making my proposal for further research.
Oral History Rough Draft
For this project I came across a foundation for saving the teepee pavilion in Cherokee park. Through many emails I was led to Virginia Mattingly, no relation to myself. Funny enough she actually works at the law library at the University of Louisville. I was told that she was the most active volunteer for the foundation. When I contacted her she was more than willing to set up a time to meet me. She sounded excited and ready to answer any questions I had for her.
We met at Cherokee park at 12:00 on a Sunday. The weather was beautiful. The sun was shining but the heat was bearable. The park was completely awake and alive. A family had rented out the teepee pavilion that day so we talked on the outside perimeter. From the get go you could tell Virginia was super nice and outgoing. It was easy to start a conversation with her. With the smell of hotdogs on the grill and the sound of kids laughing from the playground to the side, I started my questions. Virginia is a talker. Which was great for all my questions. She gave good personal details to her stories.
Virginia was extremely familiar with Cherokee park as a whole. She is dedicated to saving the teepee pavilion but she is also someone who just really enjoys going to the park. She comes to Cherokee about every other day. During the interview she talked about how the park was in her high school days. It had been a hangout place back then too. A particular memory she has of the park is when she was in high school and she attended her first political rally. Gatewood Galbraith was speaking at Cherokee. Virginia smiled and said, “It was like nothing I had ever seen before.” There were fire throwers there. People were making speeches. All the kids were playing hack-e-sac. This was a turning point in Virginia’s life. She exclaimed, “This rally is what got me to really start thinking about my own political views.”
I want to know more about why they want to take down the pavilion. Virginia expressed to me that the pavilion is still in good shape. There is some exterior damage to the teepee but overall it is still sturdy and strong. The Frederick Law Olmsted Foundation want to tear down the teepee pavilion and then create two new smaller pavilions. I want to understand why they are considering tearing down such a monumental structure in the park.
1. Read through the proposal. Is the intended audience (as stated in the writer’s statement) evident? How do you know? Also, does the writer use “I think,” “I believe, “I plan..,” or any other redundant phrases. If so, let them know that these need to be changed and/or deleted.
ReplyDeletea. I think that you need to be specific in your proposal so that the audience that you are intending to write to is clear. Maybe the visitors to the park or those interested in the history of the Indian thing, instead of all people.
2. Is there a concise discussion of the subject/topic being proposed? What is the topic and where in the proposal is it first mentioned? It should be in the first two paragraphs.
a. The topic is not in the first two paragraphs. The topic is proposed however, you only really say that you want to find out more. You should do that. Write what it says and propsose a solution to keep the teepee and explain why it is so important. First mentioned at the end.
3. Is there a concise discussion of the intended focus, aka, thesis statement? This is where you can say “In this paper/project I…” What is the intended focus statement, and where does it fall in the proposal (what paragraph?) If there is no intended focus statement be sure to let them know, and also relay what you as the reader see as the possible focus.
a. The focus is obviously the teepee but as stated above you need to do more research and maybe talk to other people about why it should be kept and what the impact would be if it was torn down.
4. What is the rationale for choosing the subject/topic? Who cares, or should care? Why? This should be outlined in the proposal. If not, let them know, and also relay what you as the reader see as the possible rationale.
a. I think it’s not exactly clear why I should care, perhaps talk about the reason it was built, what it stand for and give a brief history.
5. Answer this question:
The writer makes me care about _________________, by stating ____________________.
By filling in these blanks, does this answer the question “So what?” Using specific information from the proposal itself, how does it answer it? If it is not clear, let them know.
Not clear using historical information and fact would help the reader feel more connected to the place.